I need help, badly, please?
Gerard Sixx Asked: I need help, badly, please?
I have bipolar, depression and anger issues. (pyromania and OCD too)
I also have a girlfriend and I really want to keep her.
My girlfriend (let's name her michelle) is the ONLY thing keeping me alive, without her I'd be dead, no doubt. I've attempted suicide more than 5 times, ranging from slitting my wrists to hanging myself and overdosing. I self harm but I am trying to stop now because of Michelle because I don't want her to hurt inside and also when I go to school wearing a sweatband is a bit obvious that somethings going on.
I have panic attacks that happen regularly, wouldn't be able to give an exact description of when but possibly once every week/fortnight. And I get very depressed, angry and agitated on the 12th of every month; no matter what I do it just happens.
Michelle is getting worried about me because I'm not eating (never do) and my friend is giving me food at school to eat, making me eat it (not force feeding she just keeps on holding it out until I take it). I can't act depressed around her or my friend because it's lowering Michelle's mood but instead I take my pain out on one of my other friends (he doesn't mind it, he just wants me to get it out of my system and then talk to me about it)
Michelle is also grounded so I'm limited to seeing her and her parents don't know about me (but they hate my guts out because I went out with her before and they hated me then but don't know about me since the one month break I had with Michelle)
I'm also getting counselling which doesn't really do anything but I just like talking to her and that's the only reason I'm still going there because I have developed a good relationship with the counsellor.
I had a vision (I'm psychic) about Thursday 16th and something to do with Michelle is going to happen (not 100% sure what that was, I thought at first it was that her and her mum were going to die and I was going to be "the next in line" but turned out that wasn't true looking back at what I had to work with). But somethings gonna happen. And I'm scared that I'm going to lose her.
How can I keep the relationship going? She's the only thing in my life that makes me happy.
Answers:
You may or you may not be 'psychic', or you may or may not have 'psychiatric episodes'.
If it is the former, then you cannot do anything about Future Events that (in these terms) may already be written in the stars (so to speak).If it is the latter, then you clearly are in need of help, just as you are with Self Harming, in all its shapes and forms.
Years ago, I lost my Best Friend (M), who simply died late one night at home watching TV.It was a huge shock to me and I realised that I loved him for the pure ''Friendship'' we gave each other (I am Male also) ~ for the things we shared and how we interacted with each other.
His going left a HUGE hole in my life, but which I survived and used to learn about my Self through and because of His life.
You may want to Keep your girlfriend, but on what terms?As a prisoner upon whom you appear to be so reliant on and maybe restricting her life through your dependency of her!
It's a very complex and delicate subject ~ of your Dependency, Her Life, Your Health, Your very survival, as you see it, and the other areas of her life which have a cause and effect on yours.
Keep on seeing and working with your Counsellor, even if it is 'Only talking' as you need to see your behaviours in all of their colours and shades for what they are, and trying to find a way out of these areas with various coping mechanisms until you improve and can in turn fight back against these behaviours.
I wish you well.
Sash.